so I deleted all the posts I had previously posted because they were pathetic and sucky and other terrible adjectives(except for some sketch posts).
I want to forget the part of my life from the start of summer 2007 to october 2007. as far as I am concerned it never existed, it was just an effed up time that I wish to forget
many things have changed since then.
1. the big one, I am no longer a MICA student. technically I am on LEAVE OF ABSENCE but I am about 95% sure that I won't be going back. I'll transfer somewhere but I don't know where yet, for now I start community college classes on monday
...
2. I am home. obviously. this was the best decision for me, I said I wanted to live in the city and that was what drew me to MICA. but who was I kidding, city life is NOT my element. especially city life in Baltimore. maybe I can take it in small doses but living like that coupled with the stress of college is not healthy for me or anyone really. home is nice and peaceful and SAFE.
3. I am healthy. mentally and physically. I haven't had a nervous breakdown or sleepless night since I left. I am closer to my emotional support network of friends and family and I feel great!
...
to say I am not bitter about leaving MICA is a lie, I AM bitter, but I have mostly gotten over my feelings of failure and self-loathing. its just that once I got into highschool I immediately assumed I would follow an artistic career and further my education in the arts by going to an arts university. I felt that was my only calling and that I would only succeed in being someone by having a career in the arts. now I have learned that is truly not the case, I can be passionate about something but it doesn't have to be my career.
I'm thinking of going into library science, I think i'd enjoy being a librarian and I've found a few colleges with library science programs, also the faculty at the community college will be able to help me transfer over to any university when I want to.
there is so much more on my mind but I will save it for later posts
